life

Time seems to pass with more speed as the days go on. I find that having 5 minutes to think by myself is a blessing. I love jam-packing my schedule with lots of good things, but sometimes I want just 1 day to have to catch up on everything and to have for myself. But I doubt that will happen.

I'm sort of on edge and stressed right now. One of the boys I take care of, Thad, only has a few days left in this life. More than likely I will be there when he passes away. There could never be enough words to describe all my feelings about this. Every moment I fear that it might be his last breath. Life is so precious. He has always been so close to the veil. I just hate seeing him fight for every breathe and be in pain. He has stopped eating and drinking and won't take most of his meds. How can I not feel guilty when he passes away? If I'm there I know I will worry I didn't do something right. I worry for his sisters. They are struggling.

Where do I fit? How do I help this experience be a little smoother and how do I provide comfort?

I'm just so grateful and still very stunned that I get to have the opportunity to take care of him in his last days. What an angel. So scary that he could be gone when I go into work early tomorrow morning. I worry that I won't be of enough help to his sisters once it happens.

But all the worry in the world won't help the situation. I just keep a constant prayer in my heart that by the guidance of the spirit I will know what to do.

It reminds me that everyone's life is fragile and I need to let those people I care about know I love them. So if you're reading this....I love you. Honest. Thank you for all that you help me with each and every day.